A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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