Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
