My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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