Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
