Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
