I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
