woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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