you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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