Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
