Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
