You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
