i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He did a backflip because drugs
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
