I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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