I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize