If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
