I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
