I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That accounts for only three of the penises
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize