so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
