Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
