I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize