let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
