i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
splinters make it hard to masturbate
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
