by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
