my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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