....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
