So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
