he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
