im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This is classic penis vs brain.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
