i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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