at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize