i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
