Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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