I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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