she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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