I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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