i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize