Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
