nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
