just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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