how can u be prego again
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
