So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
