I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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