you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
