pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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