Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize