you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Jerry, you need to find god
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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