I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
