I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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