So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
