I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
