I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
