Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
