I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize