i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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