I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
