I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
