This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
