you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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