Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
