Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
