I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
