i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
