Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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