Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
