i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
