I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
