Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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