Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
