I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
