they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
