Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
