It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
