Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Your penis caused this!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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