Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
