I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
