WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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