Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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