Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
