"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
