On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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