I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my shit smells like andre
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
