is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
