So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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