Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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