: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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