Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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